SCANDAL ROCKS UW MEN'S GOLF LEAGUE!!!!

(Madison, Wis) - Police were summoned to Glenway Golf Course (3747 Speedway Road) on Tuesday evening, June 30 to investigate the seamy underbelly of Madison's organized crime infestation as it slithered its way into the heretofore unsullied world of semi-competitive league golf. That was the scene of the 2009 UW Men's Golf League Scramble - an innocuously titled event during which many unwitting participants' lives were robbed of their innocence by a crack crew of confidence men working under the watchful eye of local crime syndicate boss Jack Loew (file photo).

As scramble participants were dodging raindrops and happily chomping away on a dinner buffet and quaffing ice-cold beverages in the quaint clubhouse, two Madison Police Department officers questioned clubhouse pro Bill Scheer (shown here with his immediate family) and other staff related with the event. Having determined that there was not sufficient cause to take the entire party into custody (and having received the June protection money), the officers departed. Festivities were allowed to continue, with the Loew-financed team taking 1st place in the league scramble, via a tiebreaker. A blissfully ignorant contingent cheered the victors on with a lengthy ovation. However, perhaps smelling a rat, Travis Thoeny - captain of the runners-up - called for an immediate sudden death playoff.

Madison PD gumshoes continued their investigation, as league commissioner Dave Wolfe doled out prize money to the winners, runners-up, and bronze medalists - the Brad Nelson team - and participants parted with full bellies and a sense of camaraderie, satisfaction, and wholesome, golf-y goodness. Little did they know how quickly their lives would be turned upside-down.

On Wednesday, July 1, Federal Bureau of Investigation agents, along with Madison Parks and Recreation undercover officers, busted open the whole scheme. Commissioner Wolfe was informed via telephone that the Loew team victory was a sham, concocted over scramblers and "Arnold Palmers" at Mickey's Dairy Bar in Madison, and documented on napkins found in a trash bin behind Mickey's. While mastermind Loew remains at large, the rest of his crew (caught here by surveillance camera ) has been taken into custody and have all spilled the beans.

It seems the Loew gang - in an attempt to circumvent several federal and international regulations clearly stated in league constitutions, by-laws, and scramble posters - neglected to utilize the tee shots of each member of their foursome as they connived to bring home the league scramble title. Scramble rules clearly stated that, "At least one tee shot from each golfer in the foursome must be used on one of the nine holes."

"Oh, yeah. We knew it was in there," boasted Shawn "Shifty" McGettigan. "We also knew that we weren't going to bring home the gold if we played it straight up. And to not bring the gold home to Jack was not an option."

Scott "The Sandman" Gomez and Chris "The Blade" Weber were a little more tight-lipped. "Our lawyer sez we ain't gots to say nuttin' to youse guys."

It is still undetermined what role Doug "Dutch" Smedema played in the fiasco. "I swear I'm just a patsy here. I played it on the up-and-up. I had no clue what I was getting into with these guys!"

Nonetheless, the title was unceremoniously stripped from the Loew-ballers, and reparations will be made. The Thoeny team, which is not currently under investigation, has been installed as league scramble champs, although the pain of the ordeal lingers. The Nelson team is now the runner-up, and the Kraus team is the official third-place winner. It is unknown at this point, however, how long the taint of this scandal will affect the league golfers and the sport of golf, itself.

“Official” Final Results of the 2009 League Scramble

1st Place: THOENY – 30 (13 putts)
2nd Place: NELSON – 31 (12 putts)
3rd Place: KRAUS – 31 (15 putts)

Others:
DVORAK – 32
WILLIAMS – 32
MILLER – 33
McEVILLY – 33
WOLFE – 33
MORITZ – 35
LOEW – DQ (30)

Hole 6: Closest to pin in one shot – Dave Rieves
Hole 7: Closest to pin from off the green – Paul McEvilly

Edit to add the line scores:

Hole:	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	Total
Thoeny	4	3	3	4	4	2	3	3	4	30
Loew	3	3	4	4	4	3	4	2	3	30
Kraus	3	4	3	4	4	3	4	3	3	31
Nelson	3	3	3	4	4	3	4	3	4	31
Williams	3	3	3	4	4	3	4	4	4	32
Dvorak	3	3	3	4	5	3	4	3	4	32
Wolfe	4	3	3	4	4	3	4	3	5	33
McEvilly	4	3	3	5	4	3	4	3	4	33
Miller	5	3	3	4	5	3	3	3	4	33
Moritz	4	3	3	4	5	3	5	3	5	35

Playing 4-man best ball, we managed to collectively play the course even.